|Alex Carrying Cousin Trent - Fall 2012|
However, sometimes these visits also made me feel angry that I was in this position where I needed them. I was also stubborn to the point where I would want to scream at her to go away because I was perfectly fine and I wasn’t one of those old sick people that needs a nurse. I never did that though. Of course I always welcomed her into my home and thanked her for what she did for me. After all, it wasn’t her fault I had this stupid cancer wrecking havoc on my body, my mind, my emotions, and my spirit. She even came during the Christmas holidays.
|Tasza and Dziadzio (Grandpa) - Christmas 2003|
We made it the best possible Christmas we could for our kids and of course they were spoiled with gifts. However, I felt extremely crappy during this time and tried very hard to stay awake and be a part of things. It was tough and it took a lot out of me. I did manage to go for a walk on Christmas Day with the whole family, not far but enough to get some fresh air. It was strange because there was not a stitch of snow anywhere that year. I was already having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit and without snow it made it even harder.
During most of the holidays I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was keep my eyes open and keep the smile on my face as much as I could. I often excused myself to retreat to my room to lie down. I felt like I was ruining what is normally such a wonderful time. I had leaned into Mike’s arms on Christmas Day and asked him if he could ever have imagined that one year ago at our happy Christmas celebration would we be where we were now as 2006 was drawing to a close. The next question was, “Where will we be next year at this time?”
We had to just carry on and see what happens.
Carry On - FUN